Writing Test Sample : Grade 12, Narrative Writing



  1. Imagine that you have just come into your kitchen and that the poem below is a note left for you on the kitchen table. Who wrote the note? How do you feel? What do you do?

    Write a story about what happens next.

    THIS IS JUST TO SAY

    I have eaten
    the plums
    that were in
    the icebox*

    and which
    you were probably
    saving
    for breakfast

    Forgive me
    they were delicious
    so sweet
    and so cold

    *”Icebox” is another word for refrigerator.

    “This is Just to Say” by William Carlos Williams, from Collected Poems: 1909-1939,
    volume 1
    . Copyright (c) 1938 by New Directions Publishing Corp. Reprinted by permission of New Directions Publishing Corp.

Scoring Guide

Score & Description

Excellent

• Tells a clear story that is consistently well developed and detailed; details enhance story being told.
• Is well organized; integrates narrative events into a smooth telling; effective transitions move the story forward.
• Consistently exhibits variety in sentence structure and precision in word choice.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation are few and do not interfere with understanding.

Skillful

• Tells a clear story that is well developed and elaborated with details in much of the response.
• Is well organized with story elements that are connected across most of the response; may have occasional lapses in transitions.
• Exhibits some variety in sentence structure and uses good word choice; occasionally, words may be used inaccurately.
•   Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation do not interfere with understanding.

Sufficient

• Tells a clear story that is developed with some pertinent details.
• Is generally organized, but transitions among parts of the story may be lacking.
• Sentence structure may be simple and unvaried; word choice is mostly accurate.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation do not interfere with understanding.

Uneven

May be characterized by one or more of the following:
• Tells a story that may be clear and developed in parts; other parts are unfocused, repetitive, or minimally developed OR response is no more than a well-written beginning.
• Is organized in parts of the response; other parts are disjointed and/or lack transitions.
• Exhibits uneven control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; may exhibit some inaccurate word choices.
•   Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation sometimes interfere with understanding.

Insufficient

May be characterized by one or more of the following:
• Attempts to tell a story, but is very undeveloped, list-like, or fragmentary.
• Is disorganized or unfocused in much of the response OR the response is too brief to detect organization.
• Minimal control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; word choice may often be inaccurate.
•  Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation interfere with understanding in much of the response.

Unsatisfactory

May be characterized by one or more of the following:
• Responds to prompt but provides little or no coherent content OR merely paraphrases the prompt.
• Has little or no apparent organization.
• Minimal or no control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; word choice may be inaccurate in much or all of the response.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation severely impede understanding across the response.

Excellent – Student Response

Imagine that you have just come into your kitchen and that the poem below is a note left for you on the kitchen table. Who wrote the note? How do you feel? What do you do?

Write a story about what happens next.

THIS IS JUST TO SAY

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox*

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

*”Icebox” is another word for refrigerator.

“This is Just to Say” by William Carlos Williams, from Collected Poems: 1909-1939,
volume 1
. Copyright (c) 1938 by New Directions Publishing Corp. Reprinted by permission of New Directions Publishing Corp.

Scorer Comments:

“Excellent” responses tell a clear story that is well organized and developed with integrative narrative events. The student used well-chosen descriptive details with precise word choice to enhance the story being told. This response exhibits sentence variety and consistent use of strong transitions.

Skillful – Student Response

Imagine that you have just come into your kitchen and that the poem below is a note left for you on the kitchen table. Who wrote the note? How do you feel? What do you do?

Write a story about what happens next.

THIS IS JUST TO SAY

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox*

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

*”Icebox” is another word for refrigerator.

“This is Just to Say” by William Carlos Williams, from Collected Poems: 1909-1939,
volume 1
. Copyright (c) 1938 by New Directions Publishing Corp. Reprinted by permission of New Directions Publishing Corp.

Scorer Comments:

“Skillful” responses provided more development and characters with detail than “sufficient” level responses. In this response the student organizes events with the use of an introduction, conclusion, and transitions. While there is some decent sentence variety, some lapses in continuity exist within paragraphs. Although there are a few errors in grammar, it does not interfere with understanding.

Sufficient – Student Response

Imagine that you have just come into your kitchen and that the poem below is a note left for you on the kitchen table. Who wrote the note? How do you feel? What do you do?

Write a story about what happens next.

THIS IS JUST TO SAY

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox*

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

*”Icebox” is another word for refrigerator.

“This is Just to Say” by William Carlos Williams, from Collected Poems: 1909-1939,
volume 1
. Copyright (c) 1938 by New Directions Publishing Corp. Reprinted by permission of New Directions Publishing Corp.

Scorer Comments:

“Sufficient” responses tell a clear story that is developed with some detail. This response provides story actions that are generally related, i.e., Kelly eating John’s plums, but it offers only a simple sequence of events with lapses in continuity. Sentence variety and word choice are mostly simple.

Uneven – Student Response

Imagine that you have just come into your kitchen and that the poem below is a note left for you on the kitchen table. Who wrote the note? How do you feel? What do you do?

Write a story about what happens next.

THIS IS JUST TO SAY

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox*

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

*”Icebox” is another word for refrigerator.

“This is Just to Say” by William Carlos Williams, from Collected Poems: 1909-1939,
volume 1
. Copyright (c) 1938 by New Directions Publishing Corp. Reprinted by permission of New Directions Publishing Corp.

Scorer Comments:

“Uneven” responses are minimally developed and unfocused in parts. While this response attempts some story action, it lacks transitions and control over sentence boundaries.

Insufficient – Student Response

Imagine that you have just come into your kitchen and that the poem below is a note left for you on the kitchen table. Who wrote the note? How do you feel? What do you do?

Write a story about what happens next.

THIS IS JUST TO SAY

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox*

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

*”Icebox” is another word for refrigerator.

“This is Just to Say” by William Carlos Williams, from Collected Poems: 1909-1939,
volume 1
. Copyright (c) 1938 by New Directions Publishing Corp. Reprinted by permission of New Directions Publishing Corp.

Scorer Comments:

“Insufficient” responses attempt to tell a story about the missing plums, but the attempt is fragmented and undeveloped. This response is marked by grammar and usage errors, including missing and misused words.

Unsatisfactory – Student Response

Imagine that you have just come into your kitchen and that the poem below is a note left for you on the kitchen table. Who wrote the note? How do you feel? What do you do?

Write a story about what happens next.

THIS IS JUST TO SAY

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox*

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

*”Icebox” is another word for refrigerator.

“This is Just to Say” by William Carlos Williams, from Collected Poems: 1909-1939,
volume 1
. Copyright (c) 1938 by New Directions Publishing Corp. Reprinted by permission of New Directions Publishing Corp.

Scorer Comments:

“Unsatisfactory” responses attempt to respond to the prompt, but they provide little or no coherent content. This response provides very little information beyond what is written in the prompt.



  1. A tall tale is a type of story that uses exaggeration to solve a real-life problem. As the story progresses, the main character demonstrates superhuman abilities to overcome ordinary obstacles. The story shown below is an example of a tall tale.
    A Flood and Drought Tale

    It had been raining without a break for four days. The roads were flooded, power outages were common, and dry basements had become a thing of the past. At the same time, a drought on the other side of the country was responsible for dangerously low reservoir levels, thirsty cattle, and parched fields.

    Victor, a young man who lived in one of the flooded towns, was very unhappy about the continuing bad weather. Not only had he spent the last two days bailing water from his family’s basement, but he was due to miss out on a camping trip, originally planned for the upcoming weekend, that he and his friends had been excitedly anticipating.

    Victor put a small rope in his back pocket and walked outside. As he stood with the rain pelting down on him, he grew until he stood a mile high. Standing up above the rain clouds, he took the rope from his back pocket. The rope was now hundreds of yards long and Victor used it to lasso the rain clouds. Holding the clouds in the rope, he walked across the country taking fifty-mile steps. He untied the clouds over the drought-stricken land and a heavy rain began to fall there. Then he walked back to his house in his town where the sun was now shining, shrunk back down to his regular size, and went inside to pack for the camping trip.

    Imagine that you will participate in a “tall-tale writing contest” at your school. Write you own tall tale. You can write about yourself, someone you know, or someone you imagine. Be sure to give your main character whatever superhuman abilities are necessary to save the day.

Scoring Guide

Score & Description

Excellent

  • Tells a clear story that is consistently well-developed and detailed; details enhance story being told.
  • Well organized; integrates narrative events into a smooth telling; effective transitions move the story forward.
  • Consistently exhibits variety in sentence structure and precision in word choice.
  • Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation are few and do not interfere with understanding.

Skillful

  • Tells a clear story that is well-developed and supported with pertinent details in much of the response.
  • Well organized with story elements that are connected across most of the response; may have occasional lapses in transitions.
  • Exhibits some variety in sentence structure and uses good word choice; occasionally, words may be used inaccurately.
  • Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation do not interfere with understanding.

Sufficient

  • Tells a clear story that is developed with some pertinent details.
  • Generally organized, but transitions among parts of the story may be lacking.
  • Sentence structure may be simple and unvaried; word choice is mostly accurate.
  • Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation do not interfere with understanding.

Uneven

May be characterized by one or more of the following:

  • Tells a story that may be clear and developed in parts; other parts are unfocused, repetitive, or minimally developed OR is no more than a well-written beginning.
  • Organized in parts of the response; other parts are disjointed and/or lack transitions.
  • Exhibits uneven control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; may exhibit some inaccurate word choices.
  • Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation sometimes interfere with understanding.

Insufficient

May be characterized by one or more of the following:

  • Attempts to tell a story, but is very undeveloped, list-like, or fragmentary.
  • Disorganized or unfocused in much of the response OR the response is too brief to detect organization.
  • Minimal control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; word choice may often be inaccurate.
  • Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation interfere with understanding in much of the response.

Unsatisfactory

May be characterized by one or more of the following:

  • Responds to prompt but provides little or no coherent content OR merely paraphrases the prompt.
  • Little or no apparent organization.
  • Minimal or no control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; word choice may be inaccurate in much or all of the response.
  • Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation severely impede understanding across the response.
Excellent – Student Response
A tall tale is a type of story that uses exaggeration to solve a real-life problem. As the story progresses, the main character demonstrates superhuman abilities to overcome ordinary obstacles. The story shown below is an example of a tall tale.

A Flood and Drought Tale

It had been raining without a break for four days. The roads were flooded, power outages were common, and dry basements had become a thing of the past. At the same time, a drought on the other side of the country was responsible for dangerously low reservoir levels, thirsty cattle, and parched fields.

Victor, a young man who lived in one of the flooded towns, was very unhappy about the continuing bad weather. Not only had he spent the last two days bailing water from his family’s basement, but he was due to miss out on a camping trip, originally planned for the upcoming weekend, that he and his friends had been excitedly anticipating.

Victor put a small rope in his back pocket and walked outside. As he stood with the rain pelting down on him, he grew until he stood a mile high. Standing up above the rain clouds, he took the rope from his back pocket. The rope was now hundreds of yards long and Victor used it to lasso the rain clouds. Holding the clouds in the rope, he walked across the country taking fifty-mile steps. He untied the clouds over the drought-stricken land and a heavy rain began to fall there. Then he walked back to his house in his town where the sun was now shining, shrunk back down to his regular size, and went inside to pack for the camping trip.

Imagine that you will participate in a “tall-tale writing contest” at your school. Write you own tall tale. You can write about yourself, someone you know, or someone you imagine. Be sure to give your main character whatever superhuman abilities are necessary to save the day.

Scorer Comments:

“Excellent” responses consistently used well-chosen details and integrated narrative elements into a smooth telling. This sample response tells a compact, smooth story with very effective details, consistent variety in sentence structure, and good word choices that develop Maury’s character: (“‘Ping!’ Maury cried out with glee…”).

Skillful – Student Response
A tall tale is a type of story that uses exaggeration to solve a real-life problem. As the story progresses, the main character demonstrates superhuman abilities to overcome ordinary obstacles. The story shown below is an example of a tall tale.

A Flood and Drought Tale

It had been raining without a break for four days. The roads were flooded, power outages were common, and dry basements had become a thing of the past. At the same time, a drought on the other side of the country was responsible for dangerously low reservoir levels, thirsty cattle, and parched fields.

Victor, a young man who lived in one of the flooded towns, was very unhappy about the continuing bad weather. Not only had he spent the last two days bailing water from his family’s basement, but he was due to miss out on a camping trip, originally planned for the upcoming weekend, that he and his friends had been excitedly anticipating.

Victor put a small rope in his back pocket and walked outside. As he stood with the rain pelting down on him, he grew until he stood a mile high. Standing up above the rain clouds, he took the rope from his back pocket. The rope was now hundreds of yards long and Victor used it to lasso the rain clouds. Holding the clouds in the rope, he walked across the country taking fifty-mile steps. He untied the clouds over the drought-stricken land and a heavy rain began to fall there. Then he walked back to his house in his town where the sun was now shining, shrunk back down to his regular size, and went inside to pack for the camping trip.

Imagine that you will participate in a “tall-tale writing contest” at your school. Write you own tall tale. You can write about yourself, someone you know, or someone you imagine. Be sure to give your main character whatever superhuman abilities are necessary to save the day.

Scorer Comments:

“Skillful” responses told well-developed and well-organized stories, but with occasional lapses in continuity. These responses also exhibit some sentence variety and good word choices. The story shown below exhibits a mix of well-executed sentences and more awkward sentences with simple word choices. The response’s well-chosen details about Jacob and the snow crisis balance these weaknesses.

Sufficient – Student Response
A tall tale is a type of story that uses exaggeration to solve a real-life problem. As the story progresses, the main character demonstrates superhuman abilities to overcome ordinary obstacles. The story shown below is an example of a tall tale.

A Flood and Drought Tale

It had been raining without a break for four days. The roads were flooded, power outages were common, and dry basements had become a thing of the past. At the same time, a drought on the other side of the country was responsible for dangerously low reservoir levels, thirsty cattle, and parched fields.

Victor, a young man who lived in one of the flooded towns, was very unhappy about the continuing bad weather. Not only had he spent the last two days bailing water from his family’s basement, but he was due to miss out on a camping trip, originally planned for the upcoming weekend, that he and his friends had been excitedly anticipating.

Victor put a small rope in his back pocket and walked outside. As he stood with the rain pelting down on him, he grew until he stood a mile high. Standing up above the rain clouds, he took the rope from his back pocket. The rope was now hundreds of yards long and Victor used it to lasso the rain clouds. Holding the clouds in the rope, he walked across the country taking fifty-mile steps. He untied the clouds over the drought-stricken land and a heavy rain began to fall there. Then he walked back to his house in his town where the sun was now shining, shrunk back down to his regular size, and went inside to pack for the camping trip.

Imagine that you will participate in a “tall-tale writing contest” at your school. Write you own tall tale. You can write about yourself, someone you know, or someone you imagine. Be sure to give your main character whatever superhuman abilities are necessary to save the day.

Scorer Comments:

“Sufficient” responses told clear stories developed with some pertinent details. Parts of the stories were generally related, but transitions were often lacking. In the “Sufficient” response below, the student offers a simple, clear story. The story lacks detail, sentence variety, and has a number of minor errors.

Uneven – Student Response
A tall tale is a type of story that uses exaggeration to solve a real-life problem. As the story progresses, the main character demonstrates superhuman abilities to overcome ordinary obstacles. The story shown below is an example of a tall tale.

A Flood and Drought Tale

It had been raining without a break for four days. The roads were flooded, power outages were common, and dry basements had become a thing of the past. At the same time, a drought on the other side of the country was responsible for dangerously low reservoir levels, thirsty cattle, and parched fields.

Victor, a young man who lived in one of the flooded towns, was very unhappy about the continuing bad weather. Not only had he spent the last two days bailing water from his family’s basement, but he was due to miss out on a camping trip, originally planned for the upcoming weekend, that he and his friends had been excitedly anticipating.

Victor put a small rope in his back pocket and walked outside. As he stood with the rain pelting down on him, he grew until he stood a mile high. Standing up above the rain clouds, he took the rope from his back pocket. The rope was now hundreds of yards long and Victor used it to lasso the rain clouds. Holding the clouds in the rope, he walked across the country taking fifty-mile steps. He untied the clouds over the drought-stricken land and a heavy rain began to fall there. Then he walked back to his house in his town where the sun was now shining, shrunk back down to his regular size, and went inside to pack for the camping trip.

Imagine that you will participate in a “tall-tale writing contest” at your school. Write you own tall tale. You can write about yourself, someone you know, or someone you imagine. Be sure to give your main character whatever superhuman abilities are necessary to save the day.

Scorer Comments:

“Uneven” responses told stories that were clear in parts, while other parts were unfocused or minimally developed. Clarity in some responses was affected by disjointed organization, uneven control over sentence boundaries or structure, or errors in grammar. The sample included here does attempt to tell a story, but has large gaps in development that make the response unclear.

Insufficient – Student Response
A tall tale is a type of story that uses exaggeration to solve a real-life problem. As the story progresses, the main character demonstrates superhuman abilities to overcome ordinary obstacles. The story shown below is an example of a tall tale.

A Flood and Drought Tale

It had been raining without a break for four days. The roads were flooded, power outages were common, and dry basements had become a thing of the past. At the same time, a drought on the other side of the country was responsible for dangerously low reservoir levels, thirsty cattle, and parched fields.

Victor, a young man who lived in one of the flooded towns, was very unhappy about the continuing bad weather. Not only had he spent the last two days bailing water from his family’s basement, but he was due to miss out on a camping trip, originally planned for the upcoming weekend, that he and his friends had been excitedly anticipating.

Victor put a small rope in his back pocket and walked outside. As he stood with the rain pelting down on him, he grew until he stood a mile high. Standing up above the rain clouds, he took the rope from his back pocket. The rope was now hundreds of yards long and Victor used it to lasso the rain clouds. Holding the clouds in the rope, he walked across the country taking fifty-mile steps. He untied the clouds over the drought-stricken land and a heavy rain began to fall there. Then he walked back to his house in his town where the sun was now shining, shrunk back down to his regular size, and went inside to pack for the camping trip.

Imagine that you will participate in a “tall-tale writing contest” at your school. Write you own tall tale. You can write about yourself, someone you know, or someone you imagine. Be sure to give your main character whatever superhuman abilities are necessary to save the day.

Scorer Comments:

“Insufficient” responses attempted to tell stories but were very underdeveloped, disorganized, or had severe errors in sentence control or grammar. The response shown here, although it attempts to develop a complete narrative, exhibits minimal control over sentence boundaries and structure, as well as inaccurate word choices.

Unsatisfactory – Student Response
A tall tale is a type of story that uses exaggeration to solve a real-life problem. As the story progresses, the main character demonstrates superhuman abilities to overcome ordinary obstacles. The story shown below is an example of a tall tale.

A Flood and Drought Tale

It had been raining without a break for four days. The roads were flooded, power outages were common, and dry basements had become a thing of the past. At the same time, a drought on the other side of the country was responsible for dangerously low reservoir levels, thirsty cattle, and parched fields.

Victor, a young man who lived in one of the flooded towns, was very unhappy about the continuing bad weather. Not only had he spent the last two days bailing water from his family’s basement, but he was due to miss out on a camping trip, originally planned for the upcoming weekend, that he and his friends had been excitedly anticipating.

Victor put a small rope in his back pocket and walked outside. As he stood with the rain pelting down on him, he grew until he stood a mile high. Standing up above the rain clouds, he took the rope from his back pocket. The rope was now hundreds of yards long and Victor used it to lasso the rain clouds. Holding the clouds in the rope, he walked across the country taking fifty-mile steps. He untied the clouds over the drought-stricken land and a heavy rain began to fall there. Then he walked back to his house in his town where the sun was now shining, shrunk back down to his regular size, and went inside to pack for the camping trip.

Imagine that you will participate in a “tall-tale writing contest” at your school. Write you own tall tale. You can write about yourself, someone you know, or someone you imagine. Be sure to give your main character whatever superhuman abilities are necessary to save the day.

Scorer Comments:

“Unsatisfactory” responses responded to the prompt but provided little coherent content. The response below provides no more than an opening for a story.



  1. Read the following excerpt from a poem by Walt Whitman.

    There was a child who went forth every day,
    And the first object he look’d upon, that
    object he became,
    And that object became part of him for
    the day or a certain part of the day,
    Or for many years or stretching cycles
    of years.

    Whitman’s poem suggests that certain objects become important to us and remain important to us even if we no longer have them.Write a story in which you tell about an object that remains important to the main character over a period of years. The main character could be you or someone you know.

    In your story, describe the main character’s first encounter with the object, why the object is so important to the character, and how, over the years, it remains a part of the character’s life.

Scoring Guide

Score & Description

Excellent

  • Tells a clear story that is consistently well developed and detailed; details enhance story being told.
  • Is well organized; integrates narrative events into a smooth telling; effective transitions move the story forward.
  • Consistently exhibits variety in sentence structure and precision in word choice.
  • Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation are few and do not interfere with understanding.

Skillful

  • Tells a clear story that is well developed and elaborated with details in much of the response.
  • Is well organized with story elements that are connected across most of the response; may have occasional lapses in transitions.
  • Exhibits some variety in sentence structure and uses good word choice; occasionally, words may be used inaccurately.
  • Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation do not interfere with understanding

Sufficient

  • Tells a clear story that is developed with some pertinent details.
  • Is generally organized, but transitions among parts of the story may be lacking.
  • Sentence structure may be simple and unvaried; word choice is mostly accurate.
  • Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation do not interfere with understanding.

Uneven

(may be characterized by one or more of the following:)

  • Tells a story that may be clear and developed in parts; other parts are unfocused, repetitive, or minimally developed OR response is no more than a well-written beginning.
  • Is organized in parts of the response; other parts are disjointed and/or lack transitions.
  • Exhibits uneven control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; may exhibit some inaccurate word choices.
  • Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation sometimes interfere with understanding.

Insufficient

(may be characterized by one or more of the following:)

  • Attempts to tell a story, but is very undeveloped, list-like, or fragmentary.
  • Is disorganized or unfocused in much of the response OR the response is too brief to detect organization.
  • Minimal control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; word choice may often be inaccurate.
  • Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation interfere with understanding in much of the response.

Unsatisfactory

(may be characterized by one or more of the following:)

  • Responds to prompt but provides little or no coherent content OR merely paraphrases the prompt.
  • Has little or no apparent organization.
  • Minimal or no control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; word choice may be inaccurate in much or all of the response.
  • Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation severely impede understanding across the response.
Excellent – Student Response
Read the following excerpt from a poem by Walt Whitman.

There was a child who went forth every day,
And the first object he look’d upon, that
object he became,
And that object became part of him for
the day or a certain part of the day,
Or for many years or stretching cycles
of years.

Whitman’s poem suggests that certain objects become important to us and remain important to us even if we no longer have them.Write a story in which you tell about an object that remains important to the main character over a period of years. The main character could be you or someone you know.

In your story, describe the main character’s first encounter with the object, why the object is so important to the character, and how, over the years, it remains a part of the character’s life.

Scorer Comments:

This response, rated “Excellent,” is one where the elements of good writing come together. It is both clear and consistently developed with descriptive details, as in the opening description of how the student caught the ball. It is well organized; the student moves easily from past to present to describe how the baseball has affected his or her life and aspirations. The story is so vivid that it seems autobiographical; it is surprising to realize at the end that the student has in fact created an older character.

Read the following excerpt from a poem by Walt Whitman.

There was a child who went forth every day,
And the first object he look’d upon, that
object he became,
And that object became part of him for
the day or a certain part of the day,
Or for many years or stretching cycles
of years.

Whitman’s poem suggests that certain objects become important to us and remain important to us even if we no longer have them.Write a story in which you tell about an object that remains important to the main character over a period of years. The main character could be you or someone you know.

In your story, describe the main character’s first encounter with the object, why the object is so important to the character, and how, over the years, it remains a part of the character’s life.

Scorer Comments:

This “Excellent” response draws upon an accumulation of details to show the writer’s reaction to “the most spectacular grand piano.” Though the development of the story is rather linear, the writer has a clear sense of the progression that he or she wants to convey. The writer concludes that “After all the years of deserting my one time friend, I made a vow that somehow I would go in that room and fill the air with beautiful music again.” As that sentence shows, the writer has a clear grasp of grammar and diction as well as a sense of drama; overall, this is an “Excellent” response.

Skillful – Student Response
Read the following excerpt from a poem by Walt Whitman.

There was a child who went forth every day,
And the first object he look’d upon, that
object he became,
And that object became part of him for
the day or a certain part of the day,
Or for many years or stretching cycles
of years.

Whitman’s poem suggests that certain objects become important to us and remain important to us even if we no longer have them.Write a story in which you tell about an object that remains important to the main character over a period of years. The main character could be you or someone you know.

In your story, describe the main character’s first encounter with the object, why the object is so important to the character, and how, over the years, it remains a part of the character’s life.

Scorer Comments:

This response was rated “Skillful.” The response describes a person as a special object, an approach to the prompt that many writers chose to use. It is written clearly and often uses pertinent details: “She held onto the seat of Carrie’s bike during her first attempt without training wheels.” It also displays sentence variety with a good balance between simple and complex sentences. Although this response contains a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions and even a sentence fragment, its strengths far outweigh its weaknesses.

Read the following excerpt from a poem by Walt Whitman.

There was a child who went forth every day,
And the first object he look’d upon, that
object he became,
And that object became part of him for
the day or a certain part of the day,
Or for many years or stretching cycles
of years.

Whitman’s poem suggests that certain objects become important to us and remain important to us even if we no longer have them.Write a story in which you tell about an object that remains important to the main character over a period of years. The main character could be you or someone you know.

In your story, describe the main character’s first encounter with the object, why the object is so important to the character, and how, over the years, it remains a part of the character’s life.

Scorer Comments:

This “Skillful” response demonstrates impressive organization and development. The specific details (“I used all sorts of colors-from ruby red to violet.”) help the reader to visualize the scenes presented. The writer moves from the specific to the general with ease; as he or she comments, “Whenever I start to paint, I feel like a different person–…”. Though not quite as developed as most “Excellent” papers, this essay represents the high end of the spectrum of “Skillful” papers.

Sufficient – Student Response
Read the following excerpt from a poem by Walt Whitman.

There was a child who went forth every day,
And the first object he look’d upon, that
object he became,
And that object became part of him for
the day or a certain part of the day,
Or for many years or stretching cycles
of years.

Whitman’s poem suggests that certain objects become important to us and remain important to us even if we no longer have them.Write a story in which you tell about an object that remains important to the main character over a period of years. The main character could be you or someone you know.

In your story, describe the main character’s first encounter with the object, why the object is so important to the character, and how, over the years, it remains a part of the character’s life.

Scorer Comments:

The response shown was rated “Sufficient.” The student clearly identifies the special object–Janeese’s locket–and offers a few pertinent details about it (“Inside of the lock is a picture of her and her grandmother.” “She keeps it locked up at night.”). However, in much of the response the student deals with the subject in a general way (“That chain was something that meant the world to her”). The sentence structure is mostly simple and unvaried.

Read the following excerpt from a poem by Walt Whitman.

There was a child who went forth every day,
And the first object he look’d upon, that
object he became,
And that object became part of him for
the day or a certain part of the day,
Or for many years or stretching cycles
of years.

Whitman’s poem suggests that certain objects become important to us and remain important to us even if we no longer have them.Write a story in which you tell about an object that remains important to the main character over a period of years. The main character could be you or someone you know.

In your story, describe the main character’s first encounter with the object, why the object is so important to the character, and how, over the years, it remains a part of the character’s life.

Scorer Comments:

This “Sufficient” response demonstrates the lack of syntactical variety common to essays in this category. The writer clearly identifies an object (“the stump”) and explains its importance in his or her life, but does so with simple and unvaried sentences. While the development of the story is adequate (the narrative progresses from the distant past to the present in a convincing fashion), the writer’s last paragraph seems tacked on, and veers from the focus of the preceding discussion.

Uneven – Student Response
Read the following excerpt from a poem by Walt Whitman.

There was a child who went forth every day,
And the first object he look’d upon, that
object he became,
And that object became part of him for
the day or a certain part of the day,
Or for many years or stretching cycles
of years.

Whitman’s poem suggests that certain objects become important to us and remain important to us even if we no longer have them.Write a story in which you tell about an object that remains important to the main character over a period of years. The main character could be you or someone you know.

In your story, describe the main character’s first encounter with the object, why the object is so important to the character, and how, over the years, it remains a part of the character’s life.

Scorer Comments:

This response, rated “Uneven,” shows some of the weaknesses characteristic of papers receiving scores in the lower half of the range. The choice of a special object — a football — is clear, but the student’s comments about it are repetitive (“The object that became important to me . . .was a football . . ..” ; “. . . a football is the object that has been apart of me for the last few years.”). The response is not well organized, jumping from one unconnected point to the next.

Read the following excerpt from a poem by Walt Whitman.

There was a child who went forth every day,
And the first object he look’d upon, that
object he became,
And that object became part of him for
the day or a certain part of the day,
Or for many years or stretching cycles
of years.

Whitman’s poem suggests that certain objects become important to us and remain important to us even if we no longer have them.Write a story in which you tell about an object that remains important to the main character over a period of years. The main character could be you or someone you know.

In your story, describe the main character’s first encounter with the object, why the object is so important to the character, and how, over the years, it remains a part of the character’s life.

Scorer Comments:

This essay-like “Uneven” response provides some focus around a man’s devotion to his car. However, the last half of the essay is repetitive and undeveloped, and the response lacks sentence variety.

Insufficient – Student Response
Read the following excerpt from a poem by Walt Whitman.

There was a child who went forth every day,
And the first object he look’d upon, that
object he became,
And that object became part of him for
the day or a certain part of the day,
Or for many years or stretching cycles
of years.

Whitman’s poem suggests that certain objects become important to us and remain important to us even if we no longer have them.Write a story in which you tell about an object that remains important to the main character over a period of years. The main character could be you or someone you know.

In your story, describe the main character’s first encounter with the object, why the object is so important to the character, and how, over the years, it remains a part of the character’s life.

Scorer Comments:

This response was rated “Insufficient.” The student sets up a situation, about the relation between a girl and her parents, but provides not much more than the beginning of a story.

Read the following excerpt from a poem by Walt Whitman.

There was a child who went forth every day,
And the first object he look’d upon, that
object he became,
And that object became part of him for
the day or a certain part of the day,
Or for many years or stretching cycles
of years.

Whitman’s poem suggests that certain objects become important to us and remain important to us even if we no longer have them.Write a story in which you tell about an object that remains important to the main character over a period of years. The main character could be you or someone you know.

In your story, describe the main character’s first encounter with the object, why the object is so important to the character, and how, over the years, it remains a part of the character’s life.

Scorer Comments:

This response, though well-written as far as it goes, does not develop beyond an initial consideration of how objects or memories remain important to people across a lifetime. It does not mention a specific object or develop an essay or story around it. This response was rated “Insufficient.”

Unsatisfactory – Student Response
Read the following excerpt from a poem by Walt Whitman.

There was a child who went forth every day,
And the first object he look’d upon, that
object he became,
And that object became part of him for
the day or a certain part of the day,
Or for many years or stretching cycles
of years.

Whitman’s poem suggests that certain objects become important to us and remain important to us even if we no longer have them.Write a story in which you tell about an object that remains important to the main character over a period of years. The main character could be you or someone you know.

In your story, describe the main character’s first encounter with the object, why the object is so important to the character, and how, over the years, it remains a part of the character’s life.

Scorer Comments:

Though this writer attempts to respond to the prompt, he or she provides only the beginning of an interpretation of the poem given in the prompt, but does not progress beyond that. The response was rated “Unsatisfactory.”

Read the following excerpt from a poem by Walt Whitman.

There was a child who went forth every day,
And the first object he look’d upon, that
object he became,
And that object became part of him for
the day or a certain part of the day,
Or for many years or stretching cycles
of years.

Whitman’s poem suggests that certain objects become important to us and remain important to us even if we no longer have them.Write a story in which you tell about an object that remains important to the main character over a period of years. The main character could be you or someone you know.

In your story, describe the main character’s first encounter with the object, why the object is so important to the character, and how, over the years, it remains a part of the character’s life.

Scorer Comments:

This response was rated “Unsatisfactory.” While it is clear that the writer of this response has read the prompt and is trying to engage with it, the response is somewhat incoherent and consists of an interpretation of the poem rather than an essay or story about a special object.