Writing Test Sample : Grade 8, Informative Writing

Excellent

• Develops and shapes information with well-chosen details across the response.
• Is well organized with strong transitions.
• Sustains variety in sentence structure and exhibits good word choice.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation are few and do not interfere with understanding.

Skillful

• Develops and shapes information with details in parts of the response.
• Is clearly organized, but may lack some transitions and/or have occasional lapses in continuity.
• Exhibits some variety in sentence structure and some good word choices.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation do not interfere with understanding.

Sufficient

• Develops information with some details.
• Organized with ideas that are generally related, but has few or no transitions.
• Exhibits control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure, but sentences and word choice may be simple and unvaried.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation do not interfere with understanding.

Uneven

May be characterized by one or more of the following:
• Presents some clear information, but is list-like, undeveloped, or repetitive OR offers no more than a well-written beginning.
• Is unevenly organized; the response may be disjointed.
• Exhibits uneven control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; may have some inaccurate word choices.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation sometimes interfere with understanding.

Insufficient

May be characterized by one or more of the following:
• Presents fragmented information OR may be very repetitive OR may be very undeveloped.
• Is very disorganized; thoughts are tenuously connected OR the response is too brief to detect organization.
• Minimal control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; word choice may often be inaccurate.
• Errors in grammar or usage (such as missing words or incorrect word use or word order), spelling, and punctuation interfere with understanding in much of the response.

Unsatisfactory

May be characterized by one or more of the following:
• Attempts to respond to prompt, but provides little or no coherent information; may only paraphrase the prompt.
• Has no apparent organization OR consists of a single statement.
• Minimal or no control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; word choice may be inaccurate in much or all of the response.
• A multiplicity of errors in grammar or usage (such as missing words or incorrect word use or word order), spelling, and punctuation severely impedes understanding across the response.

Scorer Comments:

“Excellent” responses are developed with descriptive, well-chosen details throughout the response. This response covers all aspects of a backpack with strong organization and sustained sentence variety.

Scorer Comments:

“Skillful” responses develop and shape information with detail in parts of the response. This response is organized and exhibits sentence variety and some good word choice; however, there are some lapses in continuity due to missing transitions.

Scorer Comments:

“Sufficient” responses provide information that is generally related, but use few or no transitions, as with this example. This response offers details regarding what can be carried in a backpack and uses simple and unvaried sentences and word choice.

Scorer Comments:

“Uneven” responses provide some clear information, but they are often undeveloped and disjointed. This response presents some different pieces of information about a backpack, but errors in spelling and the lack of control over sentence boundaries sometimes interfere with understanding.

Scorer Comments:

“Insufficient” responses attempt to describe a backpack but are very undeveloped, disorganized, or marked by error. This response is very brief and lacks control over sentence boundaries.

Scorer Comments:

“Unsatisfactory” responses offer little or no coherent writing. This response has no apparent organization and consists essentially of one long run-on sentence.

Excellent

• Develops and shapes information with well-chosen details across the response.
• Well organized with strong transitions.
• Sustains variety in sentence structure and exhibits good word choice.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation are few and do not interfere with understanding.

Skillful

• Develops and shapes information with details in parts of the response.
• Clearly organized, but may lack some transitions and/or have occasional lapses in continuity.
• Exhibits some variety in sentence structure and some good word choices.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation do not interfere with understanding.

Sufficient

• Develops information with some details.
• Organized with ideas that are generally related, but has few or no transitions.
• Exhibits control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure, but sentences and word choice may be simple and unvaried.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation do not interfere with understanding.

Uneven

May be characterized by one or more of the following:

• Presents some clear information, but is list-like, undeveloped, or repetitive OR offers no more than a well-written beginning.
• Unevenly organized; the response may be disjointed.
• Exhibits uneven control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; may have some inaccurate word choices.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation sometimes interfere with understanding.

Insufficient

May be characterized by one or more of the following:

• Presents fragmented information OR may be very repetitive OR may be very undeveloped.
• Very disorganized; thoughts are tenuously connected OR the response is too brief to detect organization.
• Minimal control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; word choice may often be inaccurate.
• Errors in grammar or usage (such as missing words or incorrect word use or word order), spelling, and punctuation interfere with understanding in much of the response.

Unsatisfactory

May be characterized by one or more of the following:

• Attempts to respond to prompt, but provides little or no coherent information; may only paraphrase the prompt.
• Has no apparent organization OR consists of a single statement.
• Minimal or no control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; word choice may be inaccurate in much or all of the response.
• A multiplicity of errors in grammar or usage (such as missing words or incorrect word use or word order), spelling, and punctuation severely impedes understanding across the response.

Scorer Comments:

“Excellent” responses provided well-chosen details about their books and exhibited sentence variety and precise word choices across the response. In the sample response below, the student provides consistently well-chosen detail to support his or her views about The Giver. The response is very well organized with strong transitions. The student’s choices of words and comfort with varied sentence structure add power to his or her insights about the importance of books and reading.

Scorer Comments:

“Skillful” responses developed information with some details and clear organization, but suffered from occasional lapses in continuity. The “Skillful” response shown below uses well-constructed sentences and good word choices to discuss the qualities of the book Little Women. However, the response has lapses in continuity because the author does not support enough of his/her claims about the book’s qualities with examples from the work itself.

Scorer Comments:

“Sufficient” responses were clear and developed information with some details. Ideas were usually generally related with few transitions. The response shown below offers some information but uses few transitions to guide the reader through the response. Sentences and word choices are simple.

Scorer Comments:

“Uneven” responses to this prompt were disorganized, lacking in development, or were marked by errors that sometimes interfered with understanding. The “Uneven” response shown below offers some information about the plot that makes the book exciting to the student, but suffers from a lack of development.

Scorer Comments:

“Insufficient” responses attempted to describe a book to be saved but were very brief, disorganized, or marked by severe errors in sentence control and/or grammar. This response is very undeveloped and also exhibits severe errors in grammar and usage, including missing and misused words.

Scorer Comments:

“Unsatisfactory” responses attempted to respond to the prompt, but provided little or no coherent information. The response below simply identifies and briefly praises a book.

Excellent

• Develops and shapes information with well-chosen details across the response.
• Is well organized with strong transitions.
• Sustains variety in sentence structure and exhibits good word choice.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation are few and do not interfere with understanding.

Skillful

• Develops and shapes information with details in parts of the response.
• Is clearly organized, but may lack some transitions and/or have occasional lapses in continuity.
• Exhibits some variety in sentence structure and some good word choices.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation do not interfere with understanding.

Sufficient

• Develops information with some details.
• Organized with ideas that are generally related, but has few or no transitions.
• Exhibits control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure, but sentences and word choice may be simple and unvaried.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation do not interfere with understanding.

Uneven

May be characterized by one or more of the following:

• Presents some clear information, but is list-like, undeveloped, or repetitive OR offers no more than a well-written beginning.
• Is unevenly organized; the response may be disjointed.
• Exhibits uneven control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; may have some inaccurate word choices.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation sometimes interfere with the understanding.

Insufficient

May be characterized by one or more of the following:

• Presents fragmented information OR may be very repetitive OR may be very undeveloped.
• Is very disorganized; thoughts are tenuously connected OR the response is too brief to detect organization.
• Minimal control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; word choice may often be inaccurate.
• Errors in grammar or usage (such as missing words or incorrect word use or word order), spelling, and punctuation interfere with understanding in much of the response.

Unsatisfactory

May be characterized by one or more of the following:

• Attempts to respond to prompt, but provides little or no coherent information; may only parphrase the prompt
• Has no apparent organization OR consists of a single statement.
• Minimal or no control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; word choice may be inaccurate in much or all of the response.
• A multiplicity of errors in grammar or usage (such as missing words or incorrect word use or word order), spelling, and punctuation severely impedes understanding across the response.

Scorer Comments:

In this “Excellent” response, the student provides details that make the show come alive, enabling the viewer to visualize the sights of Chicago. The writer describes an entire episode of a television series in detail, including such visual elements as how the camera would move: “One place could be the Sears Tower in which a camera could show people going up in an elevator and then seeing the view of downtown Chicago.” He or she notes that “I think the camera should look at the city as if it was the viewer’s eyes.” Though there are occasional minor errors, the student uses language effectively to provide a detailed, well-organized essay.

Scorer Comments:

This “Excellent” response is well organized with strong transitions, and uses well-chosen details to support suggestions about developing an educational television series. This writer develops two possible alternatives for the topic “Great Cities of the World.” The writer provides specific details, as in the suggestion that “All of the cities you do should be six to seven minutes long” and the observation that “This should be enough time to give a brief summary of its history and tell what it is famous for.” The specific details about many aspects of the series and clear organization of ideas make this an “Excellent” response.

Scorer Comments:

This “Skillful” response provides details about the characters in the show, its format and content: “The show is about four teenagers, around the ages of fourteen to seventeen who travel around the world. In each show they travel to two cities.” The student gives an extended example (Paris, France) to illustrate the format. Though the paper is not as detailed or specific as the “excellent” response, the student maintains good control of language despite minor errors. The student uses complex sentences and transitions (such as “When they arrive in the city…,” “For example…”) to tie points together.

Scorer Comments:

This “Skillful” response offers an interesting suggestion for a program titled “Nature Walks” (one of the titles suggested in the prompt). The writer goes into impressive detail about how the show might be organized, offering suggestions such as “The second time they might go to catch dead organisms such as dried flowers and plants that they might not see in their regular garden or yard.” Errors in capitalization (such as “Idea”) and grammar (“They can begin different on each series”) are infrequent and do not interfere with meaning. The writer has a clear voice, and develops his or her ideas for a series well.

Scorer Comments:

In this “Sufficient” response, the student moves from an extended description of why the series is valuable (the importance of showing “women heroes”) to some details about a particular episode: “An idea for a show is Anne Frank. You could go to the place where they hid for so long and do the show right there. Everyone will get the chance to see how Anne lived.” Except for that example, the response has few details. The student writes clearly and accurately, however, and the response is well organized.

Scorer Comments:

This “Sufficient” response, for the most part, demonstrates good command of the conventions of grammar and syntax. The response, however, is very thinly developed, and does not offer many specific details to help the reader envision the television show proposed. Though there is one example of a show that could be done on Babe Ruth, the writer does not explain what the format of the show might be: who would talk, where the show might be filmed, etc. Though the ideas are not fully developed in this response, the response is clear and organized.

Scorer Comments:

In this “Uneven” response, the student enumerates various “American Legends” to be presented in an educational television series, along with an identifying detail or two about George Washington, John F. Kennedy, and Abraham Lincoln: “You could also tell how John F. Kennedy was assasianated or how Abraham Lincon helped in the Cival War.” The student, however, does not develop his or her points, essentially just naming the figures to cover.

Scorer Comments:

This “Uneven” response presents some interesting ideas for a show (on the subject of “Nature Walks”) but loses some effectiveness because of its lack of organization and development. We are told that “One episode he tells teens about the monkeys. How their life is so great,” but we do not know who “he” is, and the sentence fragment is problematic. Despite these problems, the writer does attempt to be persuasive, concluding with “The show is very good so think about it.” The attempted development combined with a lack of specificity and pervasive sentence-level errors make this response a good example of the “Uneven” category.

Scorer Comments:

In this “Insufficient” response, the student identifies the subject of the series and provides a brief justification for it: “You would get to learn about all the cities instead of just one city.” However, the student does not develop that justification by describing the substance of the show.

Scorer Comments:

This “Insufficient” response does little more than restate the assignment, but does so with better control over sentences than most “insufficient” papers display. The writer does offer a new idea (“you should have a series that has all four of the topics in it”). The lack of development and specificity, however, make this a clearly “insufficient” response overall.

Scorer Comments:

In this “Unsatisfactory” response, the student chooses one of the series titles provided in the prompt and asks what to include, without presenting his or her ideas about what to show on the television series.

Scorer Comments:

This “Unsatisfactory” response simply restates part of the assignment without offering any concrete examples or developing the idea presented.

Excellent

• Develops and shapes information with well-chosen details across the response.
• Is well organized with strong transitions.
• Sustains variety in sentence structure and exhibits good word choice.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation are few and do not interfere with understanding.

Skillful

• Develops and shapes information with details in parts of the response.
• Is clearly organized, but may lack some transitions and/or have occasional lapses in continuity.
• Exhibits some variety in sentence structure and some good word choices.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation do not interfere with understanding.

Sufficient

• Develops information with some details.
• Organized with ideas that are generally related, but has few or no transitions.
• Exhibits control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure, but sentences and word choice may be simple and unvaried.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation do not interfere with understanding.

Uneven

(may be characterized by one or more of the following:)

• Presents some clear information, but is list-like, undeveloped, or repetitive OR offers no more than a well-written beginning.
• Is unevenly organized; the response may be disjointed.
• Exhibits uneven control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; may have some inaccurate word choices.
• Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation sometimes interfere with the understanding.

Insufficient

(may be characterized by one or more of the following:)

• Presents fragmented information OR may be very repetitive OR may be very undeveloped.
• Is very disorganized; thoughts are tenuously connected OR the response is too brief to detect organization.
• Minimal control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; word choice may often be inaccurate.
• Errors in grammar or usage (such as missing words or incorrect word use or word order), spelling, and punctuation interfere with understanding in much of the response.

Unsatisfactory

(may be characterized by one or more of the following:)

• Attempts to respond to prompt, but provides little or no coherent information; may only parphrase the prompt
• Has no apparent organization OR consists of a single statement.
• Minimal or no control over sentence boundaries and sentence structure; word choice may be inaccurate in much or all of the response.
• A multiplicity of errors in grammar or usage (such as missing words or incorrect word use or word order), spelling, and punctuation severely impedes understanding across the response.

Scorer Comments:

This “Excellent” response is clearly structured. The student gracefully incorporates the information provided into an overall discussion of the motivation for vandalism and the consequences of it: “it is interfering with our right to learn, and also gives the school a bad name.” The student also provides several detailed possible solutions to the problem.

Scorer Comments:

The student who wrote this “Excellent” response breaks down the problem of vandalism into vandalism by people from outside the school and vandalism by students. He or she proposes solutions for both kinds of vandalism. For example, “all students [guilty of vandalism] should be suspended or even expelled, depending on the extent of the act.”

Scorer Comments:

In this “Skillful” response, the student writer addresses specific instances of vandalism in his or her own school and notes that “Even though the trouble here isn’t that bad, there is still not much excuse for it.” Though the student’s command of language is not as sure as that seen in “Excellent” responses, he or she uses a variety of sentence structures and provides an effective treatment of some motives for vandalism.

Scorer Comments:

This “Skillful” response provides a detailed explanation of how to punish vandals. For example, “If they wrote graffiti, they would have to paint over it or clean it off if possible.” This punishment is also proposed as a deterrent to other potential vandals. While the control of language here is not as good as in “Excellent” responses and the structure is not as tight, the student provides a detailed, ordered discussion.

Scorer Comments:

This “Sufficient” response is less detailed than the “Skillful” and “Excellent” responses. It is, however, clear and clearly-ordered. The student presents information clearly, describes some possible solutions, and provides an effective conclusion: “If we stand up for what we believe in today, we may change the world for tomorrow.”

Scorer Comments:

This “Sufficient” response has good organization and some clear proposals for preventing vandalism, such as the use of metal detectors. It has some errors in spelling and grammar, but these do not interfere with the reader’s understanding of the overall meaning.

Scorer Comments:

In this “Uneven” response, the student provides several proposals for stopping vandalism. The recurring errors and pattern of sentence fragments, however, begin to interfere with meaning, most notably in the following sentence: “To stop them from destroying fences put electrical fence with a different fence.”

Scorer Comments:

This student response is clearly written overall. It lacks sufficient development, however, to receive a rating above “Uneven.”

Scorer Comments:

This “Insufficient” response provides a vivid picture of lunchroom foodfights as an example of students misbehaving, but is somewhat disorganized and lacks development.

Scorer Comments:

This “Insufficient” response lists some possible solutions for vandalism. The rather general language and patterns of errors led to the rating of “Insufficient”: “I think the reason of vandalism is to show that you were here.”

Scorer Comments:

In this “Unsatisfactory” response, the student’s difficulties with language are interfering with the communication of his or her ideas: “I will reduce vandalism with not to destroying things we need.”

Scorer Comments:

Though there are some good ideas in this “Unsatisfactory” response, there are severe problems in expression and development: “Vandils is bad you need night sicurity gards. Put plexyglass windos in.”